my heart is an open palm, exposed and raw
In my land of bright lights you are effervescent -
Overwhelming at once, I am oblivious the next.
You are the palpable product of words I never meant,
Of clouded judgement, infinite dreams; my sweet Regret.
My conscience weighs you down and embeds you
Somewhere in the murky depths of this sepulchral soul.
Yet there is little want of redemption for what I do,
And you and your kind maketh the stories I never told.
Even now I would sing that I am yours, Yours!
As I believe you are mine in all your tainted forms.
Sucker as I am for your taste, touch and allure,
The beauty of folly is not weeping when all else mourns.
So this is an ode to my ill-fated penchant for
Secrets I have to keep, and everything that
I loved to hold but not to possess.
That I wish to forget, but forget to regret.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
utterly cheesed off right now. look this is my blog, i can say what i want on it. and if you so happen to be unable to comprehend what i mean, please don't go around spreading your own warped version. why do you even bother anyway? it jes reflects on your already bad attitude.
okay now that it's off my chest, im in a better mood to blog. i know we're supposed to be patient and kind, but some things are better dealt with. God doens't want you to be a loser too. i can't wait to watch mr and mrs smith! i know it's retarded, being so hyped up over one show. insipid lar, but i really have been deprived of entertainment. and good company too. *okay iggy stop gloating* i've had too much of napoleon, stalin and krushchev. he he even though it was hardly enough to suffice for three mediocre essays. i can see edna tan screaming 'never die before!?' in my face already. oh lit today was fun! i had fun writing my essays :) oh and this reminds me, now that i have the time, i can spend long hours bumming around on my couch reading! i miss my books (no not the textbooksn nor sloman).
should i stay at home and bum around tomorrow or go shopping?
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5:16 AM;
overoverover, it's sooo over! :)
but amazingly, i have nothing to say except that i wanna shop till i drop and im gonna watch mr and mrs smith! YAY!!!
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2:12 AM;
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
i'd rather not talk about history, but you probably know what that means. math tomorrow and then it's one last paper on thurs. haven't touched lit at all but i should be able to catch up i guess. yesterday's econs was fine, i could actually do all the essay questions. it's so ironic. i spent only two days mugging econs, and like almost everyday mugging history, but things are turning out the other way round. weird. well alright, history is after all, the paper that, 'write so much still cannot pass one ah'. ha ha yeah quote from someone who's very anti-cheryl. but whatever. I STILL LOVE HISTORY. this time is a lesson well learnt and deserved. gonna start my study plan straight after exams, right down to the very hour/min whatever the situation calls for. last night was the worst, i felt like an irresponsible wastrel. not a nice feeling at all. i'm never, ever letting it happen again, because i can't afford to do so and i won't be able to take it too. so yeah it's over and done with, so i shan't dwell on it anymore, lest i sink into depression (lol). ooh mom's back and she forgot my dinner. looks like it's instant noodles for dinner. the only thing nice about exams is that my mom turns extra kind, she wakes up super early in the morning to see me off and then she makes nice drinks for me when im studying and sometimes she'll even go 'aiya stop studying la last min work wont do anything for you' and she manages to persuade me sometimes. okok i really should get back to my math. i slept for five hours jes now, and so i don't think i'll call it a nap. ha ha. lucks to everyone* love!
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3:09 AM;
Saturday, June 25, 2005
written with ♥ at
4:56 AM;
im so happy!! because i stayed up till really late last night memorising trigo identities and formulaes!! hurhurhurhurhurhurhur. yeah but was really damn tired when i woke up for tuition. nevertheless, got through it! :) wellllll, my arch-nemesis is currently sigma notation and geometric progression (although now on a lower degree). ohoh and i must show off (HAHA) i managed to revise transformations, coordinate geometry and a.p JES IN ONE NIGHT. yayyayyayyay! and i actually understand economics. so proud of my prettypretty graphs (wince). okok enough of my crap, im outta here. dinnertime! oooh-sa*
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4:19 AM;
Friday, June 24, 2005
thought this was photo-worthy. HURHUR.
long live the revolution! ;)
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2:46 AM;
wanted to wake up at nine thirty today to continue where i left off, yups so i obviously have not finished 'everything except napoleon' yet, but i refuse to say the 'im so s****** for midyears' thing. i must speak blessing, i must i must i mustttt. yeah but i kinda finished up the part about the jacobins and the fall of the monarchy and the start of the republican govt or something like that. see lar, i'm not even familiar, but can't ask for too much at this point of time. sigh three more days, inclusive of today? that means like two and a half days to be precise. how upsetting and demoralising. alright i shall proceed on to math later. better finish a.p and g.p by today. and i've kinda realised that i havent really memorised all that stupid double angle formulas and yada. GEEEEEEEEEE. stressful okay i should jes shut up about studies its irritating me big time. i don't give a damn about my results, i jes wanna FRICKIN PASS. :(
ARGHHHH since when have i been reduced to THIS?!?! it's the bloody school i'm telling you. how am i supposed to want to study/be motivated to study/more than happy to study when i don't even like my school to begin with. -pulls hair out in frustration and sulks like a huge brat-
sigh i really need a break, even though i've hardly done much. GOD HELP ME.
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2:26 AM;
Thursday, June 23, 2005
yay studied more and i'm pretty pleased with my progress. two and a half hours of non stop french revolution. dear God, please let me maintain this progress till i at least finish the section before Napoleon. see i don't even know what that section is called, all i know is i want to finish everything about the French Revolution up till Napoleon which is pretty much the rest of that topic. i wanna get french kitty tops! saw them somewhere and i must say, pretty pretty! so that's one more to add to my list. looks like there's gonna be a proliferation of tees soon teehee (pun intended :P). dad's home and thank God, because there was this huge fly that flew into my house jes now and i'm not even sure if it's a fly because it's friggin huge and makes a lot of disturbing noises when it flies. i was so traumatised i didn't know what to do. was jes reading the papers and then suddenly the damn thing zooms in and banged against the wall then fell to the floor and miraculously managed to zoom around my house like mad which of course got me worked up. it was sooo near my room that i didn't dare to hide in my room because i was afraid that if i opened my door it'll fly inside and once it's in, it'll be damn hard to get it out. see i have a lot of experience, because i have been perpetually afraid of insects since i was young. UGHH. now that daddy's gone, it's gone too. what the hell. :(
okay i need a bath. wanted to bathe earlier on but the stupid thing was flying about so much i didnt dare venture into any part of the house and decided to hide in my hole. well at least the fly made me stay in my room and forced me to study. HAHA.
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7:10 AM;
studying is a huge bore, and i have to endure another week of it. goodness gracious me. didn't study AT ALL last night after tuition. was too distracted, worried, upset, stressed and tired. after all, i did spend the whole day studying the origins of the cold war. gah now i'm doing the stupid industrial revolution. having some progress with France, but when i look at the exam questions, somehow i don't see how what i've studied fits in :( it's gonna be home alone for the whole day again. and its the second time in a row i've had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and oreos dunked in peanut butter and milk for lunch. i feel really pathetic. but i guess i should be thankful there's food for me to eat, when there are millions starving. actually i can jes walk about five minutes to the nearest hawker centre to buy food but i'm jes too lazy so it's all my fault in the end eh. darling timmy's gonna be my companion for the whole of today. brought him down for a walk jes now. sigh supposed to have gone studying with hwei today but i wasn't feeling too well last night. started having an itchy throat and a runny nose out of the blue, like what, one am? how queer. then i couldn't sleep so had to take some medication before i fell asleep. gah then obviously i felt like crap when i woke up so cancelled our study date. *sorry hwei!* hmm okay there's only fifteen minutes more left of my mini break. tata.
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12:10 AM;
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
tuition's over, not too long a session today :( wanted to br done with a.p and g.p by today, but now i'm only done with a.p. feeling extremely stressed out now, and yeah kinda in a bad mood now. threw a teenyweeny tantrum jes now, and i feel bad. no harm done though. sigh gonna try and cheer up and then study some more. looks like it's another late night for me.
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7:05 AM;
almost done with the origins of the cold war, waiting for mom to come back with my dinner. bk's shrimp salad. it's nice, really! i recommend it for the weight-conscious. ha ha well yeah i'm trying to be lar. wrote down everything i have left to mug for and woot it took up two pages, so yeah you know how much i've left. sigh, and there's like what, four days more? kwite freaky if you ask me. owell, i can do all things through christ who strengthens me! :)
now where's my dinner???!
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4:27 AM;
the tres chic balenciaga that i want sosososo much but hwei keeps bursting my bubble and tells me that it's too unaffordable. WELL I SHALL SCOUT FOR A LOOKALIKE. I LOVE IT, even more than that small teeny weeny louis vuitton 'fugly' one. :(
i waaaaant.
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1:02 AM;
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
ogay i can safely say i studied kwite a bit more than usual today. at least i'm gonna finish up all three chapters of economies of scale, theory of production and cost and monopoly today. i hope i do. then tomorrow shall be a history day. got tuition in the evening though. woke up late today and so i didn't go according to schedule. still i'm glad i studied. went out to study though, with hwei and her friends. but they left so it was kinda conducive (despite the disgusting houseflies. why do they have houseflies in bk?). mom keeps making a huge deal out of me going out to study. like hello this is the second time i've gone out to study and she talks as if i do it every single day. come on, no matter how 'homey' you are, studying at home ALL ALONE for two whole weeks really is a huge BORE and it really gets lonely. she doesn't seem to get it and when i tell her i study better outside she says its jes a huge excuse to want to get out of the house and if i really wanted to study and i have self-control, i can stay at home. like don't you see? the whole point is precisely because I DONT HAVE SELF-CONTROL which is why i have to go out and distance myself from this stupid computer, the bed and EVERYTHING which i'll never do when there's no work to do.
sheesh, parents.
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6:51 AM;
Monday, June 20, 2005
omgosh they have that pretty jacket i fell in love with in kl. this pic seriously doesn't do it ANY justice at all. the one i want is in white and the stripe is green. the gold is much more 'pronounced' and yeah at the back there are like studs spelling out Roxy and blah. FREAKING NICE.
and the nice cap hwei and i want too.
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
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12:58 AM;
indulging in ben and jerry's now. hmm lemme give u a glimpse of heaven, hurhur.
Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch/New York Super Fudge Chunk/Peanut Butter Cup
A collision of Chocolate Ice Cream and Vanilla Ice Cream mixed with Heath Bar Chunks, White Chocolatey Chunks, Peanut Butter Cups and Chocolate-covered almonds.
'Nuff said!
taking a little break from three hours of math. ain't it sad how i only manage to mug like this at the last minute. :( i really am driven by pressure, not self. kwite upsetting eh.
well gonna make use of my little break to come up with a list of 'to-buys'. i have really bad descriptive skills, but as long as understand it who cares.
1. Junk Food Tees - ive been dying to go and get some
2. Nike Dunks- the navy green ones and pink ones (duh)
3. Balenciaga lookalike. obviously i can't afford a real one. (double duh)
4. white espadrilles
5. capris and babydolls. mom says that her friend who's starting a business in the fashion industry has nice ones so i should go and support her. but somehow, her friend's taste is rather mature.
6. earrings
7. THAT HOT ROXY JACKET THAT I'VE NOT STOPPED THINKING ABOUT. i hope they have it in singapore :(
8. a nice denim skirt which seriously doesn't look like every other denim skirt. ha ha you prolly dont understand what i mean but i dont expect you to either. hurhur.
9. repair my i pod/refund it and get a zen micro. which should i do eh? need some 'advice' on this from come computer geeko.
10. reuben morgan's cd
11. oh and i need to use my taka vouchers. i still have some remaining ugghh.
12. pencil case, have one in mind but i have no idea where it's sold :(
13. new school bag that doesn't weight so much just by itself. a real bother i'm telling you.
14. wallet that has a coin compartment. i know every wallet has this and why the heck am i putting this down as a specific requirement? all because my current one doesn't have it. weird i know.
ogay that's a lot already, i'd better stop now before i go on and on. and i promise you i could go on forever. ha ha.
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12:24 AM;
Sunday, June 19, 2005
stressed out and pulling my hair out now. ha ha NOT, the pulling hair out thing that is. but yeah definitely stressed out and vexed about the tons of concepts not grasped. GAHHHHHH. well this week shall be mug-non-stop week then. -makes a face-
went for 'lunch' with hwei and cherlynn after church. i ended up buying my dinner and having tako pachi for lunch. so now you know why lunch is between inverted commas. got this really cute notebook and pencil. serious kawaii. ha ha i don't like that word but i can't find anything else more fitting to describe them. maybe because it's jappie manufactured. oh we went to bugis village and got some real steals. i got two tees! some parody of che guavera which is uber cute and a mickey mouse tee. i wanna get junk food tees but i have obviously no time to go down. OGAY I WILL CONTROL MYSELF UNTIL THE DAMN MID YEARS ARE OVER. IT'S JUST A WEEK AND FOUR DAYS MORE. no biggie. :(
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4:26 AM;
Saturday, June 18, 2005
wellwell tuition in the morning and yuanyuan came to help with the housework. thank God for her. went to fetch fang from the mrt station and she came to my house. we had a blast eating loads and loads of junk food, cooking, quote unquote, all the microwavable food in the world, for lunch. har har. we hardly studied at all, kept on talking, catching up on everything that i'm missing out on in rj. and michelle's gone down under already. next week will be jasmine heo's turn. hmm everyone's leaving. somehow i feel like 2005's a year of huge changes for me. yes change, in every sense of the word. gosh all the decisions that had to be made,and i do forsee even more to be deliberated over in the near future. well gonna jes leave it to the Almighty :)
youth fellowship was really fun. stupid ben, royce and nic obviously didn't wanna come and they came up with tons of excuses. ha ha owell their loss :P we played soooo many lame games and it was kinda fun. the cutting paper thing was really cool. sometimes, you really can't help but marvel at how creative God can be. if only some of it will rub off on me. watched hillsong conferences on dvd and i showed fang my favourite singer and the uber cute/ droolworthy/ gorgeous/ charming/ good looking with hot bod to boot guy. and his voice is like so niceeeeeeeeee. we were like all swooning and melting in our seats. even yudhi was like 'i like this guy!!' hurhur how interesting.
kinda sick of the ennui [if you can call it that, because obviously i do have tons of things to do but i jes choose to be delusional] coursing through my veins, i can feel it and im determined to rid myself from all of it. alright today wasn't so productive but i kinda read another set of notes on the french rev and i gotta continue later. stupid distracting computer.
okay jes pigged out on oreos and im very much tempted by the box of rochers beside me now. hmmm should i or should i not? :P
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7:14 AM;
Friday, June 17, 2005
dinner was at the american club and boy was it good. i had ceaser's salad for entrees and steak for my main course. dessert was heavenly. it was some kinda lava brownie, but it's rounded, kinda shaped like a volcano. and then when u cut it open, warm chocolate flows out. topped with ice cream. mama mia. i'm still dreaming about it. gosh, and i really did put on weight. but shan't dwell on it. jes gonna maintain this size or go down a teeny weeny bit. sigh i guess that's all for today. gotta go study now. toodles*
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8:14 AM;
Thursday, June 16, 2005
i shall date this the 16th of June 2005, even though it's past midnight already.
thank you for the two wonderful years of memories, love and everything that i could ever ask for. perhaps the future is uncertain, but one thing will not be. and you know what it is. today was wonderful and it'll remain in my memories of you forever. i believe things will turn out to be different, if not better, for us. i'm proud of you and will always be there to help and support you. i think i've said this time and again, but it will never be enough. so, yes i do love you from the very bottom of my wasted heart. this if for you, and only you. this day will always remain our special day for the rest of our lives. :)
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10:04 AM;
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
finished one set of econs notes. theory of production. sigh i'm reallyreally slow :( i really hope to reach market structures by the end of this week. and math is like, ughhhhhhhhhhhh. i can forget about GP, i have not touched lit at all, and i'm still clueless about the french revolution, vietnam AND the damn cold war. i hate exams. im upset now. ARGHHHHHHH.
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12:58 AM;
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
alright listening to sappy love songs now, and sigh it does make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. too bad things aren't the way they used to be. a year ago, i'd be oohing and ahhing at how sweet the song is. now? well i'm jes trying hard to suppress everything, and pay more attention to the singer's voice instead of the darn words. :(
well i've made a decision, and hopefully i'll stick to it.
today's gotta be a productive day too. it must.
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9:27 PM;
sigh progress is really slow. only did like seven trigo questions. i keep getting distracted, eating, watching movies, this stupid computer. i've moved it to my other room, so hopefully i wont be so distracted by it anymore. hopefully.
well i watched kingdom of heaven halfway, and i ain't got an inkling what it means.
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8:55 AM;
taking a break from trigonometry. well not that i've been practicing it, jes remembering and copying the countless formulas [ughh]. relishing double choc coated tim tams and i'm happy to say that i cooked my own lunch today! mee goreng okay. well ya despite the fact it's instant [sigh] food, i decided to add half boiled eggs to my lunch. but it turned out hard boiled because the thing that i have to make half boiled eggs wasn't working too well. so i mashed the hard boiled eggs up, and threw away one yolk. don't really like egg yolks much. yeah so my mee goreng was mixed up with mashed egg white and yolk. sounds icky i know, but it tasted kwite good. counting that i was kinda hungry. ah well, i needa stop using the microwave oven to cook. seems like it's the only thing i know how to use in the kitchen. but then i hate cooking, because of all the oil that gets around, and then you'll have to bathe to get the oil off. worse still, you'll have to clean the whole kitchen cuz of all the oil that flies around. whatever, it's evident that im not cut out for cooking. i love instant food :)
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12:41 AM;
Sunday, June 12, 2005
aw okay i have to blog about this. my sweet little timmy is lying on my lap and resting his head on my leg. awwwwwwww i love my sweet doggy to bits! even though he shits a lot and pees all over the place and i have to clean up for him. I STILL LOVE MY TIMMY.
okay back to studying.
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10:19 PM;
Friday, June 10, 2005
church camp was tremendously fun! and Pastor Agomoh is like super annointed, and not to forget, really FUNNEH. ha ha
cannot take it AH. then who take? i take AH?
hurhur, inside joke :)
well yeah and hwei and i really became wild boars, devouring almost everything yummy in sight. it was like buffet for three meals a day, and for FOUR DAYS. that makes it twelve buffets in four days. and not forgetting the twenty four donuts we bought, cinammon rolls, chips, snacks, OH and cakes and prata and satay and pasta and MUD PIES we ate. ogay you must be thinking im duper fat now. ha ha oh who cares lar. i've changed my mind and now i think that nothing else matters, except God's opinion. but i can't eat myself crazy too, i mean there's gotta be a limit. but yeah i shall continue ranting about food. mommy bought like two huge bags full of tid bits, not forgetting the yet-to-be-consumed stock of tid bits, ice cream and cup noodles and pasta that is already in my house. GAAAAAAH. it's alright, i'll be fine :)
oh and khaing min said something really funneh jes now, that i couldn't stop laughing.
"eh! you eat a lot you know!" i know, it's not that funneh to yall but yeah he said it in a ridiculous tone, as if he's never known me before. i mean like, hello ive known you for so long and this is what you tell me only now. perhaps i can't blame him, because i was like this pseudo-anorexic person last time.
ha ha fang jes sent me the two super dodo vids we took and im like laughing three-quarters of the time. hmm i bought like five pirated dvds and hwei got madagascar! gonna borrow from her to burn. we're really like little pirates okay. i was so worried jes now when we were crossing the customs check. seriously scary and i think the police guy knew we had dvds and stuff but he closed one eye cuz we're kids. owell, thank God.
I LOVE THE CHURCH CAMP and i'm like missing it so much already. the nice room, the company, being in God's presence all the time, PASTOR AGOMOH who's soooo cute and lovely, jes the whole thing generally. sigh, now there's no one to make my bed for me and clean up my room everyday already. it's jes me myself and i. boo.
and those four days of church camp meant that i didnt study for four days. yeap, good for me. so i gotta buck up for the rest of the two weeks. mind you, i didn't study at all for the past two weeks. im REALLY getting worried now. gee God give me strength, i'm gonna be able to do this!
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8:35 AM;
church camp was tremendously fun! and Pastor Agomoh is like super annointed, and not to forget, really FUNNEH. ha ha
cannot take it AH. then who take? i take AH?
hurhur, inside joke :)
well yeah and hwei and i really became wild boars, devouring almost everything yummy in sight. it was like buffet for three meals a day, and for FOUR DAYS. that makes it twelve buffets in four days. and not forgetting the twenty four donuts we bought, cinammon rolls, chips, snacks, OH and cakes and prata and satay and pasta and MUD PIES we ate. ogay you must be thinking im duper fat now. ha ha oh who cares lar. i've changed my mind and now i think that nothing else matters, except God's opinion. but i can't eat myself crazy too, i mean there's gotta be a limit. but yeah i shall continue ranting about food. mommy bought like two huge bags full of tid bits, not forgetting the yet-to-be-consumed stock of tid bits, ice cream and cup noodles and pasta that is already in my house. GAAAAAAH. it's alright, i'll be fine :)
oh and khaing min said something really funneh jes now, that i couldn't stop laughing.
"eh! you eat a lot you know!" i know, it's not that funneh to yall but yeah he said it in a ridiculous tone, as if he's never known me before. i mean like, hello ive known you for so long and this is what you tell me only now. perhaps i can't blame him, because i was like this pseudo-anorexic person last time.
ha ha fang jes sent me the two super dodo vids we took and im like laughing three-quarters of the time. hmm i bought like five pirated dvds and hwei got madagascar! gonna borrow from her to burn. we're really like little pirates okay. i was so worried jes now when we were crossing the customs check. seriously scary and i think the police guy knew we had dvds and stuff but he closed one eye cuz we're kids. owell, thank God.
I LOVE THE CHURCH CAMP and i'm like missing it so much already. the nice room, the company, being in God's presence all the time, PASTOR AGOMOH who's soooo cute and lovely, jes the whole thing generally. sigh, now there's no one to make my bed for me and clean up my room everyday already. it's jes me myself and i. boo.
and those four days of church camp meant that i didnt study for four days. yeap, good for me. so i gotta buck up for the rest of the two weeks. mind you, i didn't study at all for the past two weeks. im REALLY getting worried now. gee God give me strength, i'm gonna be able to do this!
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8:35 AM;
Monday, June 06, 2005
oh before it forget, it's now 12:13 am which means it's already 7th of June. SO..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PETTY PET! LOVE YA LOADSSSSSSSSSSS.
hope she reads this! :)
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9:13 AM;
petty's 'birthday' celebration today! with my darling fang, weiqi and petty of course! ha ha it wasn't really a celebration, we bummed around in her huge and nice house watching movies. we watched like four movies. dirty dancing, which i watched for like the fifth time or something. but i still like it! diego luna is HAWT. okay more of charming lar. and 13 going on 30, shall we dance and legally blonde. might seem really chick flick-ish but all of them were like super sweet. despite my intense hatred for j lo, must say that it was kwite a meaningful show. we went grocery shopping at the cold storage near her house too, and went kinda spastic there. i bought kwite a lot of stuff to stock up at home too. pepperidge farm cookies. ooh la la.
leaving tomorrow, and im kinda excited. its been a long time since i went for a church camp. what more my dear hwee is going wimme! hur hur we're gonna eat ourselves crazy and roll around the shopping malls. and of course, have a great time worshipping God. oh and i gotta get souvenirs for some people. and perhaps see if there's something nice for me to buy for darling petty. i know there's like loads of stuff to buy in KL but i think i gotta stop buying so much. really got too much stuff. perhaps one nice bag and two pretty tops and a pair of shoes. okay sounds a lot already, so i should shut up before i go further.
dunkin donuts, here i comeeeee!
yeah, so until i come back, take care everyone. love!
physically fit, physically fit, physically physically physically fit
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9:03 AM;
Sunday, June 05, 2005
shit happens. and it almost got to me.
damnit.
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8:46 AM;
Saturday, June 04, 2005
stupid dad's grumbling again. i really can't stand him UGHH.
back from church, and practice was alright. pw meeting's cancelled tomorrow so that means i'm free in the afternoon. i really should study but i don't feel like it! i wanna watch mr and mrs smith sosososo much. saw the advert again and damn angelina jolie is RAAAAH.
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7:34 AM;
Friday, June 03, 2005
reuben morgan is damn good and i'm pretty happy that i went last night, despite city harvest being at the other end of the island. the whole trip took like one hour plus, ughh and the distance is far worse than going to rj and back. loved the praise and worship, the preaching was dynamic but i don't agree with quite a lot of what kong hee said. ah whatever. and it's quite peculiar how they prayed and sang the most when it came to offering time. ha ha something to ponder about. wish i could go again today, i really like watching reuben morgan sing. but i guess that's the wrong reason for going to church, really takes your focus off God. yeah so i'll jes watch the service online or something.
too lazy to cook today so yeah, its seafood flavoured instant noodles for me. had tuition in the morning and my tutor said i looked tired. i am pretty tired, but life goes on. sigh really confused over certain matters, and it's distracting me, from studies and everything else that i should be focusing on. don't feel like going to church tonight. and i wanna go out to study, but no one's free. boo. this holiday really sucks. hope the hols will take a turn for the better during church camp. oh yeah discovered that i leave on tuesday, not monday. so that means i can celebrate petty pet's birthday with all of them! yayness! now to wreck my brains on what to buy for her. all i know is that, it has to be black :P
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10:29 PM;
Thursday, June 02, 2005
i cooked my very first meal all by myself today! uh-huh, no help from wendy, hwei or whosoever. let me reiterate, all by me, myself and i. well despite it being only macaroni and cheese, which is probably the only thing i know how to cook without killing myself, i still made it alright. and contrary to popular belief, nopes i didn't burn down my house. so phoonie you can stop smirking now. acks better hit the books now.
i know that it's not over yet, but to tell you the truth, im tired of trying again, of taking chances, of not knowing what will come out of all this. so much effort being put in, yet it didn't work out. perhaps there's really no 'ending' between us, but let me just say that the day you broke my heart, there wasn't really another beginning too. yes we're running around in circles again, and somehow we're bound to collide again. even then, i would say it'll hurt so much that we never want to see each other ever again. so why don't we just avoid that and continue being indifferent. you might want to fill in that void in me again, or even change your whole life for me, but what's done is done and it's really not too much to say that it's impossible between you and me from now on. thank you for loving me, the laughter and the tears. i may never love so fiercely again, and for that, you'll always be part of me. thank you for trying, i know i never tell you that enough, but yes the fact that you're trying so hard means the world to me. whether i find my happiness again is another matter altogether, even if you're not the one giving it to me, just know that a part of me will always be stolen by you, given to you and with you.
written with ♥ at
11:33 PM;
My heart is yours to fill or burst to break or bury or wear as jewellery whichever you prefer
written with ♥ at
8:35 AM;
i promised hwei that i'll try and come up with an equally lame and desperate way of replying that certain person, whose name is ivan by the way, that messaged me on friendster.
here goes:
"hi there ivan no you are not rite ok you didnt add me to your list quite long ago liao and i don't remember you asking me for my hp number and even if you did it really isn't a puzzle why i havent given it to you even up till now. and i don't want to give you my number lor because i think you are very desperate leh and i am not knid enought too leh. don't need to hope lah, you pray also no use. you dunno what should be your way of getting my number is in the wrong is it? sorry lah i no noe what you saying leh, aiyo but i tell u lah want to get my number please go and learn your english again lah hor. and then maybe when i understooded what you saying then i maybe can give you my hp number lah. so until then you won't see my msg soon......."
ha ha if that didn't make sense, compare and contrast it with the other entry and then perhaps you'll see the light. hur hur. take special note of the bold parts :)
i am a bad girl man.
written with ♥ at
2:19 AM;
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
finally finished up one set of history notes, and mind you, i'm still at 'the origins of the cold war'. i guess you don't call that 'mugging' eh.
he he i came to the realisation yesterday that, there'll be dunkin donuts in KL! that means...HWEE we're soooo screwed. i'm gonna join you, being a ball and rolling around the shopping malls. if there's something i can never resist, it's donuts. hot damn, i've been deprived of donuts for like months now, and i think it's gonna be worse than what i bought from candy empire. i know, vanna's tsking me again.
talking to my dearie fang now. ha ha, you know i hate you and all that, but i really don't wish to see you get knocked down by a car.
kiddin! :) about the 'i hate you part', that is.
written with ♥ at
1:44 AM;
